Socializing
with Confidence
One of the most nerve-wracking situations
for many people is attending social events, particularly those where you don't
know anyone else. If you're like many people, you have visions of yourself
standing alone, looking awkward, sweating, and sneaking out the side door
early. Socializing is difficult for many people. Why? For one, it's a perfect
opportunity for rejection. After all, if you say or do something stupid, it's
very easy for the other person to move on to someone else if they find your
conversation dull. Or another scenario is one where you're stuck at a table
with a bunch of other people you don't know, and you envision yourself staring
at your plate all through the meal, completely at a loss of words.
These fears are very common and normal. That's
good. It means that, if you feel this way, you're not alone. It also means that
when you're feeling awkward in a social situation, others are as well. Even
some people who appear to be completely at ease may have a jumble of nerves and self-doubt inside. So
what's the solution? If you are the person who speaks out first, makes the
first move, and begins a conversation, you're taking the pressure off the other
person. No longer are you now the one who is awkward at socializing, but you
are now someone who is focused on the other people attending.
Changing your frame of mind in this way can
be very helpful. It's also more helpful than changing your frame of mind in
other ways, such as using alcohol or other medications (unless you've had a
thorough check-up with a doctor who has prescribed anti-anxiety medications).
It's true that alcohol can put you at ease and make starting a conversation
much easier. The problem is that it also makes it much easier to take another
drink, and another, and before you know it (or don't), you really are saying or
doing something stupid. Unless you are absolutely confident (no pun intended)
in your ability to control your drinking, avoid using this method as a solution
to your social fears.
After you have reminded yourself that many
other people there are feeling just as nervous as you are, try striking up a
conversation. This is easier than it may seem--or at least, it does become
easier with practice. One of the best ways to start a conversation is to ask
questions. Then keep asking them. People like to talk about themselves, and
it's also a subject that we all know well--so this avoids awkward moments
trying to discuss the latest political issue or historical fact that someone
may not be "up" on for whatever reason (life can get in the way
sometimes). The key to making this work, however, is to actually be interested
in what the other person has to say. If you're constantly looking around,
interrupting, or giving other signs that you're not interested, you'll quickly
offend the other person, who may well walk away. Then you will find yourself in
the situation you're trying to avoid.
When possible, take a buddy with you. Just
be sure that you don't hide in the corner only talking to each other. Instead,
use the "buddy system" to meet new people together. It's always
easier when you have someone on your side. Simply knowing that at least one
other person there likes you and is rooting for you can give you an instant
confidence booster as you reach out to new people. Using the buddy method is
also a great way to practice before you have to strike out on your own, which
is likely to happen at least once in your lifetime. Feeling prepared will make
you feel much more confident when you do find yourself in this scenario.
Forcing yourself to learn new social skills
is scary. You are taking a risk. However, once you make the effort, even if it
doesn't go as well as you'd hoped, you can feel better about yourself knowing
you made the effort. Next time will go better. Give yourself credit for trying.
Comments
Post a Comment